16 weeks... "Desert Song" by Hillsong

A few months ago Adam and I went on a mission to trip to Bosnia. While on the trip, I felt incredibly connected to God. I was able to be completely open and vulnerable with Him about my hurts, and fears and dreams. I think because we were so inundated in God's work, it was easier for me to be honest with God on a more personal level.

One night on the trip, while going to sleep, I was overwhelmed with hurt from losing our first baby. And I literally felt my heart aching with the desire to get pregnant again. In that moment God led me to a song. I listened to that song over and over each night of the trip. The lyrics that resonated with me were, "All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship".  No matter what, God is still God, and I have a reason to worship Him. The two weeks we were in Bosnia God was very much working on my heart. I prayed that God would give me a new prospective, that God would teach me to trust Him, and wait on His timing. Each night as I fell asleep I prayed, "All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship."

God heard my prayers and not too much longer after that trip we found out I was pregnant. Needless to say, because of the previous miscarriage I delt with fear for a few weeks. But God taught me how to overcome that fear. And this past Sunday God showed up again in a very real way in my life.

Our church was doing a message on pivotal circumstances, how circumstances both incredibly bad and incredibly good can alter the direction of your life. The truth of the message was that no matter how horrible of a situation you are in, God can still be praised, and there is still hope. The same song that I had listened to a hundred times before was on the schedule, and I happened to be scheduled to sing it. I don't believe in coincidences. The Lord orchestrated everything, and gave me the opportunity to sing that song.

As I stood there singing the line that had spoken to me over and over, I couldn't help but think of how 3 months ago I was clinging to those words telling God I would worship Him no matter what, and now I was singing those exact lyrics while a sweet child was being formed in my womb.  I can't explain how full my heart was in that moment. My God really does care about every detail and facet of my life, and He can be trusted with every detail and facet of my life. His timing is undeniably perfect. In horribly difficult times and in joyful times, "I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship"

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant, and I know that each day with this child is a blessing. Each moment God gives Adam and I with this little baby is a blessing, and no matter what happens in my life I know, "You are still God, I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship". 

16 week picture:

And so you can see how much I've grown...here is the 9 1/2 week picture: